The past few days of my life has been so damn boring. Been at home mostly doing shit-all. Well, Jade called me up today and called me out to go Bankstown and shop around for a bit. She ended up getting the exact same thing I had and so we went to Parra to do some more window-shopping cause we were bored. ZOMFG, saw this really cute guy on the train >< Looked half Asian-Islander.. how sexual eh? Not very often you see a cute guy these days eh? Well, went to Parra and went to the store I wanted to go to and checked it out. Wasn't as good as I expected but still pretty awesome. Jade decided to change the thing she bought and yup. We headed back home only to be caught up in the rain. Had to walk home all wet, so jumped in the shower and then KH2'd for a bit. Net for 3 hours or so and still on so I decided to blog. It's been so long since I actually blogged properly cause yeah, life aint that interesting or exciting for me. Well, nothing comes to mind anymore so tata =)

Best friends is all I want to be, so please don't continue holding on. I'm not worth the wait..

I can't put up with this shit anymore, it's killing me. I'm being pushed around and blamed on and all I could do is swallow my pride and take it all in. I hate the fact we're always breaking up and making up, in the end we just start off where we began. I know a healthy relationship consists of arguments and all but "THIS", I don't have to put up with this shit. Being blamed for doing absolutely nothing wrong. I don't wanna speak up just in case we break up again but slowly, he's just pushing me away. Last night something occured to me, I can't believe I gave up SO much for this boy and there are some things I wish I never gave up, because they actually made me happy for once. Topics had been raised and it evoked something from me, and what do you know, I find myself reminiscing old times again.

I wish time would slow down so I can savour the moment just a little bit longer..

A year from now, where will I stand in your life?

Was going through my photo album the other day and decided to post up some of the photos. Damn, I really have grown and matured so much in the past 1-2 years..
(Photos in order of taken)

    

" When you smile at me, it makes me weak
I can count on you boy to be there when I'm fallin
I didn't have to change for you to see
That nothing can ever come between you and me
I need you for who you are
And all that I am when I'm standin' next to you
I'm so lucky to have you in my life "

Ngaww.. the song above is just exactly how I feel =) Corny as it sounds, it's true. i love that boy and he knows it. Even if he reads this or not, I just hope he doesn't take it to advantage and acts all dickhead-ish and cocky cause im completely smitten by him. But yes, I still do think back on what once was. I wish I had that same feeling, it felt like the best feeling in the world and somehow I wish I could somehow feel the way I did about him back then, now. I liked it how my heart would race so fast everytime I saw him, how i'd smile whenever he'd call or message, and the fact I couldn't stop thinking of him. How childish and stupid of me to get so attached. I still cry sometimes when I think back at how he hurt me so much. He doesn't realise though, I know he doesn't. I always tell myself, stop looking back and move forward with my life but then again, what makes me think he won't do it all again? If he can do it once, he can do it twice. myGOT! I should really stop thinking negatively of him, I know he loves me or LIKE, I don't know. But i know he cares. The best moment that I remember of me and him was probably a week before we got back together, I felt so happy inside but I was confused. Was he only pretending to like me because he pitied me? I cried on that night though I knew I should be happy because after such a long wait, he actually showed some form of interest towards me. Well, at least I got some things out and if you do read this hun.. I guess these are the things I probably could never say in real life. I like to hide it all inside, cause that's just me. Anywho, don't know what else to say. Goodbye!

Is it love or simply lust?